As a man, it would be hard for me to comment on how women experience the oppression of a patriarchal society. I could easily say that there isn’t any kind of oppression because of how I was raised by my mother. I would never treat women in the ways of which I hear or read about, but that would only equate to me having a selfish view of the world. Not every man has the same mentality, and it is because not every man has obtained the upbringing that I have. Our views on women, whether we look upon them with respect or as objects, are clearly based upon our choice. What baffles me is that men choose the latter, and in return disrespect those who carry the human race’s existence on their shoulders. But, if we are to claim equality, then we must understand that men and women are both human, and that gender-based stereotypes are what cause a rift between us.

As humans, we cannot survive without one another. That point proven, I never found the answer as to why we can’t see ourselves as equal. We do live in a patriarchal society, and I’m sorry women, but although you are the main victims of this patriarchal society, I must say that so are the men who never intended for society to be this way. In a sense, we are attacked more so by you than it. We are accused of being a part of a negative aspect of American culture that we were born into, and ridiculed when we defend ourselves. The only reason we defend ourselves is because our mothers taught us better than that.

We were raised to respect you, and if we weren’t, then we weren’t raised right. When we listen to you talk down to us or become victimized at something we say while conversing with you, it confuses us as well as insults us. We speak to you as humans, and if you feel offended it’s not because we feel we are men and we are above you. I would never say I am better than you simply because I am a man and you are a woman; that’s a ridiculous mentality to have. If I say I’m better than you it’s because I work harder than you. That’s how it should be.

This does not include all men. I would be a fool if I were to act as if our society didn’t need a major change in attitude when it comes to a lot of things between men and women. The fact that a rape culture exists and tries to blame women for the act of a man who forced himself onto her against her will is reason within itself to know that we need change.

But I would also be a fool to deny that the subjects of this discussion cannot be switched. That very same woman who criticizes a man for not being attracted to bigger women is the same woman who only dates guys who are taller than her. Why does his height matter if your weight isn’t supposed to? We all have our preferences, but that is not an example of men oppressing women or vice versa. That’s just being human.

From my encounters, I’ve come to find that the people who believe in equality, and vocalize it, are never focused on. These are people in the middle, but we only hear the men who believe women should play their role, or women who claim the title feminist but want to behead men. I want equality for women, but because of the feminist extremists, I will not affiliate my name with the term. I will not side with those who will view me as most ignorant men view women today. As an African American male in America, I experience enough unwanted oppression as is.

We are all pieces to a bigger puzzle. The sooner you realize that, the sooner things will become better. Stop blaming each other and come up with ways to better this country.