In our quest to find good ol’ American fare, we stopped at a classic burger joint that not only offered a variety of ways to eat greasy ground beef patties, but also a selection of creamy, hand-scooped milkshakes and—you guessed it—the all-American apple pie, this time in turnover form, but still just as classically American.

We ordered a nice little number for our appetizer: a barbeque chicken wrap. Unfortunately, the presentation was simply awful. The wrap arrived, lukewarm, in a wrinkled paper wrapper, which happened to be the only thing holding together this mess of a tortilla snack.It was entirely unappetizing to look at, and the wilted lettuce was not helping.

For one entreé, we ordered a bacon cheeseburger. Well, what did we expect? A sloppy little sandwich with some crispy bacon thrown in. And that is exactly what we received. It was alright, but when one goes out to eat at a restaurant, one expects something more of that meal—the “it” factor. This burger did not have the “it” factor. It is fine for the simple diner for a simple meal, but it’s hardly worth the drive out there.

Opting for a more healthy option next, we ordered ourselves a turkey burger, which we discovered is a pairing of words that was never meant to be. Not only was the turkey dry, but it tasted neither like turkey nor like burger. It left me feeling quite hungry after eating the whole thing in just a couple of minutes. But that’s what you get for being healthy, isn’t it?

So our next move was to add on sides of curly fries and onion rings. Now, curly fries are hard to mess up. You season them with that magical curly fry seasoning, and there’s not much that can go wrong. They were salty and perfectly fried. But even if they were a bit on the crunchy side, we wouldn’t have minded because curly fries are simply flawless.

But onion rings, as we’ve mentioned in the past, can have their faults. In this case, the fault of the onion rings was an overwhelming crunch. The coating was overly-thick and over-cooked. Do you like biting into slices of PVC pipe? Yes? Then you would have loved these onion rings.

For dessert, we ordered two—very cheap—apple turnovers. They had a crispy, flakey outside with warm and gooey center. The cinnamon did not overpower the apple. But the apples were still rather tart. However, the place you could taste the cheapness was when you realized just how little filling your tongue was actually finding inside that little bread-like pocket.

The shake was smooth. It had a nice balance of chocolate and creamy ice cream. It was like a beautiful, chocolatey iceberg upon which adorable little penguins might have huddled, had they been small enough.

Though the shake was impressive, we did have to agree with the evaluation that Hardee’s gave itself: one big star painted on the outside of the big, beige building.

STARS: 1 out of 5, as their logo suggests.

ATMOSPHERE: A separate room was available for parties, possibly an ex-playland. The main seating area was average in quality and too high in quantity to make the small space comfortable.

SERVICE: Patient and efficient, though in a machine-like way.

DRINKS: We recommend the hand-scooped chocolate milkshake.

PRICES: Not too bad until you factor in food quality.