Somewhere out there is a place where all the missing socks and half-full chapstick tubes have gone. These are things that are infamous for never being found, but you know they must have ended up somewhere. As your friendly neighborhood science major will tell you, matter doesn’t simply disappear. However, as a student at Lakeland, you’ll never ever find these things.

1. “Miniature Guide to Critical Thinking”

You bought this little blue book for your freshman Core I or Introduction to Honors class. Like most first year students, you never used this “pocket-size guide” in class, and you now have no idea where it is. Like a migrating termite, the handy little thing is very hard to locate once you’ve taken your eyes off of it. Unfortunately, in your senior or junior year, your Core III professor will tell you that, happily, you already have one of your required texts: the “Miniature Guide to Critical Thinking”! No, you don’t. You’ll never find it again.

2. Full Daily Grind punch card

Coffee is the staple of your studying routine, and—as a savvy college student—you try to stretch your meal plan as far as it can go. This means collecting oddly-shaped punches (double-punch on Wednesdays!) on a paper card that you inevitably forget is wedged between your ID card and key card in your pocket so that when you pull out your lanyard, it flutters away with the wind. You’ll never find a full punch card, but the day you stop trying to fill yours is the day you stop believing in yourself!

3. A Lakeland yearbook

Years ago, Lakeland tried to shoot itself into the digital age, and since then no student has seen a yearbook. Printed memories are out of style, as Spectrum now infiltrates major events to take video footage instead of photos and notes. You’ll never feel the frustration of flipping through hundreds of pages as you try to find the only three photos of events that you actually want to remember from your college experience. You’ll never trade glossy, hardcover beauties with your classmates and sign messages of goodbye and good luck.

4. Printer full of paper

Five minutes before class, you remember that you never printed out your 20-page research paper that you emailed to yourself before bed last night. You race to the Laun computer lab, and there are five sheets of paper in the printer and 10 different students all trying to be the first to log in and secure their spots at the front of the printer’s queue. There are now only four minutes left before class, and you decide to spend two of them scanning your professor’s syllabus to determine whether or not it would be acceptable to submit your paper via email.

5. Maxed-out meal plan

As a freshman, you probably bought the “recommended” meal plan. At first, you enjoyed the convenience of being able to eat as much as you want without having to leave campus. But no matter how much you like the food, the novelty soon wears off, and you find yourself accompanying late-night T-Bell runs and stocking up on granola bars and pop tarts to eat in your room. And even when you buy a smaller meal plan the next year, you end up with the same problem: too many meals are left at the end of the year!