“Realizing I was gay was one the hardest points in my life, but it’s even harder to tell someone else you are gay. You feel like you are an outcast, a burden on yourself just because of your sexual orientation. You always think to yourself, Well maybe I’m not. Maybe I just think that one guy is good looking. Maybe it’s just that I’m going through puberty. Maybe the right girl will come by and all these thoughts will slip out of my head. Maybe this, maybe that… until there are no more maybes. You don’t know how to deal with the thought of being an outcast until you realize there are others like you with the same sexuality. You start researching and stumble upon coming out stories on YouTube and how people found out they were gay. You find people with the same thoughts and “maybes” you had and realize that being gay isn’t a sin like your religion might preach. Instead, it’s a salvation for you. You can finally be yourself and not care about what others might think because you have a community to back you up. The next part is even harder, telling your loved ones that you are gay. You never really can guess what their reactions are going to be until you tell them. It’s hard because some people might shun you out whereas others, hopefully, will embrace you for who you truly are. Never be afraid of who you are or what you’re thinking, embrace your true self and go for it. I know if someone had given me that advice sooner it would have helped me greatly.  

My own realization was hard because I was bullied since elementary school. It didn’t just end at school, it brought itself home with me also. My brothers and parents would tease me for acting flamboyant and liking things that were girly. It really wasn’t until my junior year of high school that I figured out for myself I was gay. I was in denial for the longest time, just thinking to myself that maybe it was all in my head and I’m not actually gay. No matter what, I wanted to be married and be able to have a family. When I started my own research and found out I could do all those things with a man, the more I was sure with myself that I was gay. The next step was the hardest, telling my parents. It took me forever to tell my parents, a whole year in fact. It wasn’t until I was at the point of suicide that I was finally able to tell them. Maybe if they knew I was gay, they would stop discriminating against the LGBTQ+ and making me feel worthless. It took the longest time for me to gain the courage to tell them that the people they talk shit about is one of their own children. After I told them, it took a long time for them to accept me fully. The worst part is they made me promise not to tell my brothers because they feared I would corrupt them or make them feel shitty in life. Not once did my parents think to help support me and tell me everything was going to be okay. They just told me “Okay,” and lectured me on the wrongs of the world and how I could get hurt by just stating those two words: I’m gay. Those two words were the only words that really saved me from taking my own life. After my senior year ended, I told my brothers and posted on Instagram to show the whole world who I am. My brothers were way better than my parents, accepting me in every way possible. My parents eventually came around, especially my mom and then my dad. Sure, I lost some friends, but I realized the friends I lost were not really my friends to begin with. So sure, there wasn’t a lot of beauty in my story but the one thing I gained through that whole experience is that I can be whoever I want in this world. And I am gay.”