Recently, Lakeland College was host to some guest speakers, the likes of which have never been seen on campus, or even in this world, before.
The centaur, a rare species of mythical creature, is half-human and half-horse and has been, until now, thought to be purely fictional.
A herd of centaurs was kind enough to make a stop at Lakeland College on its lecture tour, the purpose of which is to dispel false stereotypes surrounding centaurs in the 21st century.
The herd vocalized some unconventional ideas about how to improve educational systems worldwide. They believe astronomy to be the most important of all subjects, and they vouched for stronger programs, particularly in universities and colleges. They claimed that they knew stronger astronomy programs would be a good idea because the alignment of the stars told them so.
Despite the centaurs’ overenthusiasm for astronomy and excessive use of star charts during their presentation, students seemed to be receptive of the school’s guests.
“I could see where they were coming from,” said Sean Gilligan, junior mythology major.
“The man centaurs don’t wear shirts, or any clothes, really. Some people were complaining about that, but I kind of liked it,” said Michelle Fromm, junior astrology major.
After the lecture, there was a question and answer session for students, which got a little bit heated at times.
“No, we’re not ‘like Mr. Tumnus,’” said Edmund Pev, one centaur, answering a student’s question referencing the classic children’s novel and film The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe. “He’s a faun; there’s a big difference. Fauns are part goat, part human, and not nearly as majestic as a centaur.”
“We would really appreciate it if you would stop petting us,” said Peter See, another centaur, “It makes us uncomfortable.”
For the most part, students obeyed the wishes of the herd, while others seemed to have completely missed the point of the lecture.
An incident was reported in which a student actually tried to hop on the back of a male centaur, who did not react kindly.
“I just wanted to get to class on time,” said Brandon Rooker, senior paranormal psychology major. “I thought he might help me get there faster.”
Rooker is currently recovering from a hoof-related injury in the hospital. He is expected to be released next December, according to the alignment of the stars, but doctors claim he’ll be back in school next week.